Well between You and Me is a safe place to ask a question and get an honest answer or opinion in return.
I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist or any other ist that fits in that category but i am human. That means that I have lived life and have gone through things in this life.My experiences have made me feel every emotion known to man and i have came out of the other side of them. Many days and nights I lay alone to swim in my own tears and detrimental thoughts. I know I am not alone. I have taken things away from life that have given me the ability to empathize and sympathize with others in a non judgmental way. We all go through things and sometimes we need someone to help us through the tough times. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.
That’s where Between you and me comes in. If something is bothering you please feel comfortable enough to tell me your problem, ask your question or simply just vent. You can remain anonymous but i will respond to your question on this platform so that someone else who may be going through or wondering the same thing can be helped as well.
Just think of me as your big sister. The one who thinks she knows everything. I get on your nerves but I have some valid points and in secret you know I’m right. lol
Please contact me at betweenyouandmeblog@yahoo.com
So i thought i would break the ice and give you a piece of my life story to start this blog off.
My Childhood
I can remember days of having a blast with my father when i was very small. Most of the details are a blur now but I remember lots of smiles and laughter. Those days slowly seemed to stop happening. I would get a visit here and a visit there but consistency was not a factor.
My next set of memories are of being told that my dad and step mother were having a baby. A brand new baby brother for me. I was happy. “Yay, someone for me to boss around and be big sis to at the same time. I only have one memory of me and my brother spending time together though. Just one. Then the news of a new baby sister hit me. I wasn’t that happy to hear this. I somehow in my young mind realized that this was the end of my relationship with my father. I was right.
When i think back on those days, nothing comes to mind. No visits, no calls, no birthday gifts, nothing. I put up the front that I was unbothered and unaffected but that was total bs. I was broken. I wanted to be a daddy’s girl but daddy had a new family. A family that didn’t include me. What did they have that I didn’t? Why were they so special? What did I do wrong to make him forget all about me, his oldest.
Fast forward to my teenage years.
I was in a state of mental hate for my father. He was dead to me. I put that negative feeling off on my stepfather as well. I know now that I was protecting my heart because he could potentially get close and then leave too. I refused to let that happen again. It wasn’t until my dad went off to Afghanistan that my hard heart started to soften a bit. We started to correspond through letters and it was then that i found out the reason that he wasn’t around. Reasons that I would rather not discuss at this time but reasons that are totally understandable to me to a certain extent. He played a part but it was not 100% his fault.
One of the best memories I have is when I was selected to be Homecoming Queen. I was honored but I knew that I would have to be escorted that night by my father or another male figure. It took me a few days to muster up the courage to call my dad and ask him would he be available to walk with me. His response brought tears to my eyes. “I had plans but I will drop them for you. You mean the world to me. I am so proud of you.” Needless to say I wasn’t a real queen but i felt like a real princess that night. I cherish that memory and nothing will top it until I take that walk down the bridal aisle with him right by my side once again.
Present day.
It took me years and years to come to this conclusion about this whole situation. I turned out to be a pretty good person in spite of the fact that dear ol dad wasn’t around. I made it to adulthood without him. I survived. His absence gave me a powerful lesson to reflect on. People are not perfect and they will disappoint you. It’s up to you to keep on living. They are the ones missing out on your greatness. Use the feeling of disappointment and sadness to fuel the fire in your belly. Be the best damn you that you can be. Show them that you will be great with or without them. Make them wish that they had a part in shaping and molding the you that you become.
I love my dad. Imperfections and all. I forgave him, but it was not for him. It was for me. Carrying that load in my heart was doing nothing to him. It was hurting me. I had to let it go so that i could be a better person. I had to let it go to be a better parent. I had to let it go so that i could live.
Between You and Me, i don’t think we will ever be the ideal father and daughter but at least i can sleep easy knowing that he does love me and when ever i need him he will be there for me.
Tell me your story. I’d love to hear it. Comment or email me at betweenyouandmeblog@yahoo.com
Between You and Me 