I received this email …
Every time my fiance and I get into an argument or disagreement he says “why are you with me then, just leave”. He’s walked out on me two times, each time he apologizes and comes back after two weeks. The third time was last week. Instead of talking, he packs up and leave or start yelling asking why am I with him. I love him, he’s good to me and I know he’ll be back but I don’t know if I should take him back this time. I told him if he leaves there is no us anymore. He said “good, that’s fine”. He said some awful things about our relationship on his way out. We have years invested and I’m afraid of starting over at my age but not afraid of being alone. What should I do?
Between you and me, I hear a immature guy with low self esteem in this email. The question “why are you with me” is not rhetorical. He really wants to know why you are with him. He sees something in himself that is not worthy of the love that you give and he is looking for some reassurance. That is something you can not give him though. If he does not feel self love he will not be able to digest love from another. The immaturity comes in when he runs away. You cannot leave as a means of repairing. When you gave him the ultimatum of things being over if he left, his response was good, but I see it as being a cover up. You called his bluff and he had no choice but to sound cool with it. You gave him a gut punch that he was probably not expecting. I commend you for taking that step, but only if you truly meant it.
This relationship clearly lacks in the communication department. Sitting down together and having a real heart to heart could really pull out some of the issues if you both are honest and genuine with the conversation.
I don’t know all the details but from what you have said, I think you need to let him go and work on himself. He needs to figure out what he wants and how to go about getting it in a mature fashion without stomping off after having a tantrum.
Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship. If it is meant to be, it will be.
Question
What are some relationship deal breakers that would make you say it’s over and mean it? Feel free to comment down below. Lets start a dialog.
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